Insomnia Musings

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I have bouts of insomnia. LONG bouts of insomnia.  Someone suggested I should brain dump. Here is an excerpt from one of those dumps. I usually just write until my mind is uncluttered. No real beginning, a little sporadic and no real ending.

Weight loss is a tricky thing. I don’t mean ‘tricky’ as in there is some magic to losing weight but tricky as in figuring out what caused you to gain the weight in the first place.  All of the time it is not laziness. For most people I don't think it is laziness. 

Childhood trauma is real. I see the effects of unresolved childhood issues in adults all the time. I have some of my own but the BIG childhood thing I had, I had to resolve within myself with the help of a counselor.  When I reached out to the source of those issues, they were not receptive AT ALL. 

People are funny. Some people are unable to see past who or how you used to be compared to how you’ve overcome and who you are NOW.  They’d rather see you in a constant state of brokenness and hopelessness and helplessness. I’d like to think I’ve made a conscious effort of distancing myself from people like that.

Broken people do broken people things. How can I expect to receive love from someone who doesn’t even love themselves? It is impossible.

Life is still amazing to me. When I experience new things, I experience them in a childlike way. Not childISH but in amazement and wonder and awe.  Doing some of the things I only dreamed of truly astounds me. Since I can be a water-head, it also makes me weep in thanksgiving. Life is still full of wonderment to me.