I've been dealing with some power struggles lately. Power struggles that have turned ugly from all parties involved. This morning I prayed to have my attitude change about the situation. There was a lesson, there is always a lesson, and I have been too angry and frustrated to receive whatever lesson that was being taught.
My time with my God is usually while I am driving to work. I mean it's an hour plus drive so I have plenty of time! As odd as it sounds, having my conversation with God, aloud, calms me and makes my prayers more real, if that makes sense. So this morning while driving to the office my only prayer was for God to change my attitude about this power struggle, to help me learn the lesson and to protect me.
Well, halfway to work, the lesson hit me and brought me to tears. The tears were because part of the answer was not what I wanted to hear. Stop giving away your power and this is not your end game. The not giving away my power part has to do with me doing something I've been putting off for a while. I really don't want to do it. Like REALLY have no desire whatsoever to do it but I know it is necessary, it has always been necessary. I will talk about it, plan for it, buy what I need for it then proceed to talk myself out of it. As much as I have reservations about how this is all going to work out, I trust that God has already made provisions, I just need to continue to work on my attitude.
The end game part is the hardest for me because I have the vision but I don't know how that vision is going to come to pass. Like, the lessons don't seem to go together but they do. Controlling my power and whatever the end game is going to be. While I don't see how all of this is going to work out, I am going to trust the process, most importantly I am going to trust God.
Another lesson that became clear was taking ownership for my part in this power struggle. I wanted confirmation that I was right and that the situation was ALL someone else's fault. I wanted to make myself less culpable. I couldn't; I'm as much at fault with this power struggle as the other parties involved. I realized that while I can only control my actions and attitudes, those actions and attitudes can effect outcome. I just have to decide if the outcome is going to be positive or negative.
What I know for sure about me is that sometimes a change in attitude can change an outcome.
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